psalm 51:17

"The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, o God, thou wilt not despise."

what can i give you?
my sacrifice seems so foolish
i give you my torn heart
ive got nothing else
i give you my broken spirit
i lean on you with all my weight
exhausted
i'm dry and thirsty
i dont know up from down
i doubt- i dont believe you
i cling, i dont caress
im ugly, foolish, at my ropes end.
and your word to me is "yes"
"out of all the world, this what i want-
i want you when your broken
your inscence is beautiful when your lost.
your glory radiates when your hopeless and confused.
you have given me a gift- this is the best Christmas gift you could offer"
i trust you
i believe once again- i relax knowing you are pleased.
finally, im at peace

when this world and its troubles attack
they often do
im alone and forgotten
i cringe in fear
lay up at night in broken tears
i awake early broken and wretched
i cry out
afraid another will hear
afraid no one will
im so far gone, in need of desperate help
in need of an understanding person to comfort me...
yet im alone

and it draws me to you
i have no one else so i gather strength and in my clouded mind i fall at your feet.
o god!!!!
i try escaping, distraction
but after time im left seeking somthing ive lost
IVE LOST YOU!!
and when i turn to you....

your there.
you accept the only gift i can give and label it beautiful
no longer a fool
no longer ashamed
im proud to be broken

"The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."

IM STILL ALIVE

hey.. just want to see if this is still working.
wow. i feel funny writing again.
ive laid dormant for so long...:)
hello!
im in friesland right now... the past months have been off the wall. emotionally, physically, spiritually... what else is there? mentally!!!
right now im sitting in my cousin peter de boes ( i think thats how its spelt).. room.. ive taken over 2 of the 3 brothers rooms so far.. im going for a 3rd. well hes actually my 3rd cousin.. somehow were related so he has to be nice.
anyhow.. so im sitting in this room listening to them working down stairs remembering i told them id help..... thisll be short.
i just want to give a shout out to God!!!!
THANK YOU JESUS FOR BEING THERE FOR ME EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE AND WALKING ME THROUGH THE SHADOWS OUT INTO THE LIGHT!!!
i dono where the light is right now but i trust you do so im following you blindly... i love you abba.
no matter where we go i go with you.
when no one understands your stroking my head.
god... there will never be another for me, i pray your graceful enough to hold me to that promise in compassion and mercy.
i live for you. i owe you everything. i will walk after you father.
what can i do for you?

hey.
well it's july so i thought i should update.
i'm enjoying the weather. rain.. i jog (well so far 2times but i've determined to be faithful).. and sun i WEAR BIKINIS !!!1 yah.. i who was so self conscious before (don't know if this is a good thing or not!) now don't even use shorts.
myjobs are now both part time so it's chill and so fun.
ALSO!!!!!!! nevada and i have cantered together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is crazy awesome.
what else... no scrapbooking right now.. went to a wedding and got a bunch of new clothes (if value village counts and handme downs FROM EMMA!!!!!)... I'M GOING TO CREATION and i get to see kate and road trip with manda and brooke. we have a bible study wehre we're reading velvet elvis. i got a beautiful tan.. i also bought an ipod....
enjoying being lazy .. didn't change til 2 pm today.... i'm sure this is so exciting for you all....
and i got a parcel from my buddy aton koniac from nagaland!!! yah
good times.
thanks for listening
stef

hey,
well life has moved on and i'm trying to catch up.
i did a 3 week counselling course with my mom and 30 somthing other people. it was really interesting but horribly hard!!!!!!!!!! i cried, i stressed out and i laughed but ahhhh. now i have 10 months off til the next 3 weeks which will be even harder. i dono... i had to force myself to go everyday. i'm glad i did. as part of the course we had to go for counseling ourselves and that was hard. i discovereed alot about myself and i'm glad... but ohhhhhhhhh how a struggled!!!!!!!
as is the case with lots of stuff, i find i hate it until the last day adn then i dread leaving. so i cried alot.
but now i'm back into my regualr life and surprise surprise it s' not all that bad. i've been housesitting a bit which has been wonderful! ( my own room and my own BED!!!!!!) work at the restaurants been picking up and now it's fun, hight road, working with handicapped adults is getting intersting and i'm really beginning to grow fond of the ppl there.
what else, well me and a friend decided it's time for us to have babies so....
and i picked up hitch hikers!!!!!!!!! yah. and when i told my dad he said the s-h=i=t word and it was so funny.
let me tell the story.
so i always feel really bad driving past hitchhikers when it's so cold out so i prayed and said,
god, if you want me to pick one up you tell me who. " the next day i saw a couple and felt peace about it so i stopeed. we had a good chat and i ended up driving them to moricetown. then i got home nad had to call my dad(whos in haliffax with my mom), just befor i hung up i thought it'd be funny to scare him so i said really ditsitly "dad, i picked up hitchhikers today" and he said "stef, that's not funny" and i said
"but dad i had my worship music on " (he 's super proud of his intelligent daughter you knwo!!! hehe) and heres the climax,
he said, "STEF! they don't give a SHIT about your worship music!!!!!!"
hehehehhehehehehe
ok.
well i thought it was hilllarious.
i'll go now
bye

hey megan. you said i had to write again so her i go.
new things in my life, i shop for thte grocerys at the restaurant everyday adn i'm meeting new friends at the stores that i see daily, (some are starting to smile at me funnty... ahhhhhhhh) , i'm houseiting for val .. you rmember her, marieahs mom and proud to say taht i don't have to go home at luche every day and walk the dogs, it's my bday next week adn i have a list ( mom can give you a copy) , i enjoy both jobs and enjoy livein in town. i worked 15 shifts in 12 days and it was crazy ( yesturday was my first day off and i slept through desert at easter dinner) . i was all along there, but then jsutin showed but i fell asleep. my car is beautiful, i went into theliquer store and bought acholholic beverages b/c i could and had a huge sleep over wehere we watche d the atonement which got nonminated for 7 acadamy aweards and none of us understand why b./c i9t was so stupid. islept with 2 popl in a dbly bed ( one with ehr feet in my face) and walked manda to work,. i just ordered a mastercard and i have airmiles. i love ruth, she randomly gives me hugs while we walk around town on friday nights passing ppl my age who are parything and we get funny looks. i love it. ummmmmmmm i dono what to do bout mom and dads' 25th but i have one good idea. call me. and i love having my own house , it's super cute adn spring comes to town so much earlier thatn at home so i like it. getting warmer and wonderful. i saw tara mcuen who's engage d ( didn't know that ) and melissa *(2 and 1/2 months).... cuz we went to their church sudnay. snowing outside and i'm running out of things to say. finally finshed battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer and it was so good. i'm hungry so i'm going home for soif bread and turkey with gravy ( do u make soif?) miss you and love you. and happy easter! ( i also overdoesed on chocolate yesturday)
mwah
love ur sister stef

I told you all I'd be bad at this at home. Lame excuse though. My adventure is over it seems.
I'm proud to say i finally got a job and i'm trying to grow up (i got a safeway club card!!!). there's not much to say these days. Now that i've been out there i just wanna go again and again. we'll have to see what happens. For now i'm buying cd players for my car taht won't fit, wasting gas by driving up and down the same street 3 times (by accident), AND mooching off my aunts to get to there computers (and tim hortons bagels) life is pretty chill and so i'm catching up on my scrapbooking, i'ts going well but after 40 plus pages of india i'm getting kinda home sick in a way. so i called up jaimie deblasio and (a staff) and talked for an hour. life seems to be the same everywehre!!! but you should see my scrapbook, it's gotwriting too so i'ts reallya book.... but i sure am addicted to scrapbooking, i dono what i'll do when i'm done, maybe i''l do other ppls for them. i went x country skiing the other day and it was beautiful. one of the days you can walk on the snow, bowzer tagged along to keep me happy and entertained. also, did you all see the moon the other night?! it was red man! that's so cool.
if any of you need someone to scrap book for them, HERE I AM! call me
thanks
stef

OK. I THOUGHT IT WAS TIME FOR A NEW ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT' the new year and my new year resolution is........ i'm still working on that.
I've learnt a lot this past month b/c I've been basically job-less and though at first it was really hard... i began to realize that i was making it hard. so i decided that because i had done alll i could to get a job (but i was being fussy).. maybe God wanted some alone time at the beginning of this new year. so i've been basically conducting my own bible college. hehe. no but i love it. now i see that whatever ppl say (others were giving me a hard time too)... just be happy with where you are and make the best of it. NOw i've had 2 interviews and possibly by tuesday i'll be a working woman again. if not maybe God wants another month off with me, hehe.
so what have i learned this past month?
hmmmm. basically i've been having an affair.
bhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
but seriously God has been taking me on dates and romancing me. it's amazing when you begin to see God as your lover.
Check out song of solomon